Is it Worth Trying Again?

Honest answers to a few simple questions might help you decide.

Krista Bennett


Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

Ending a relationship isn’t easy. It doesn’t matter which side you’re on. Whether you’re the one contemplating ending it or the person being left, it is a situation many of us face in our lifetime. Often, more than once.

Wondering if you should try again is normal if you loved the person once.

If you’ve been together a while, shared children or pets, or weathered other storms in your relationship, “Is it worth trying again?” is a legitimate question.

It can be a life-changing decision that will have many consequences. It will affect the lives of many other people besides just the two of you.

It will require a lot of work.

I struggled with this question for many years as my marriage limped along in a toxic cycle of unhappiness. When things got real bad, I would fantasize about leaving him. I would complain to my friends and my therapist about his abuses and atrocities.

And then, life would go on. Things would get better, or at least tolerable and next thing you know, I’m looking through rose-colored glasses convincing myself that maybe it isn’t that bad.

We tried again. And again and again.

He agreed to go to counseling with me so that the therapist could tell me how fucked up I was. I wanted to go to counseling to try to change him.

I wanted the therapist to say the right things to help him understand that his behavior was abusive and that he had unreasonable expectations.

That wasn’t going to happen.

We were at, what would be our last marriage counseling session when he didn’t like what he was hearing, and abruptly stormed out.

Our therapist looked at me tenderly through tired eyes, and said, “Honey, you are wasting your life.”

That was the hardest but most honest counseling I ever received.

If you’re reading this, maybe you’re asking yourself the same thing right now. Is it worth trying again?

I would venture a guess, you probably already know the answer.